Semester End Ramblings

This semester is coming to a close, and every time I begin to think about it, it completely overwhelms me. So much has happened in such little time that I don't even know what all has. Also, I haven't learnt anything new, academics wise, since last year probably. Exams start on Friday, and God knows my acads are f***ed big time this sem, but my will to work, to learn, to study, to fight, to even try is awfully hard to find. I wish I could ask: "why me?", but I know better. In some instances, I wish I could also complain: "why not me?" but I know the futility.
You know, you could ghot a lot and still fail at it, just like those times when you do only a little and luck helps you out a lot.
This last year has been so so harsh. Such little good has come out of it. It could have been so much more fruitful. Friends have come and gone and come and gone etc, life also came and gone and came and gone and played with my spirit till it got tired of the mockery. And now, at the end of it all, at the end of one huge, painfully long year away from home, I feel so empty, so lost, so...finished. And not even in a depressing sort of a way, just completely matter-of-fact empty, like it was supposed to be that way. As if my job here, for one year, was nothing, and that, that job is done. And although there are still three whole years of which I have no clue how I will survive and my head goes into a confusion trying to look for a point to it every single time, I don't feel I have it in me to go on. I shouldn't live. Really.
I will survive, eventually, because there's no reason to just quit, but really, in life's journeys if you eventually come to the same point as you started, why do we even move? Why do we even try? No matter how much you do, how much you slog, how much you love, and how much of yourself you kill and sacrifice, both for yourself and the wellbeing of others, how come it's never enough? Why should I go on?

A little sweet
A little sour
A little close
Not too far
All I need, all I need
All I need, Is to be free...

What we learn from life

• There are almost always two choices to make a decision. One, which requires you to hold your head up high and laugh off at the tragedy of events. Two, drag yourself out of bed every morning and snap at everyone unfortunate enough to cross your path. The sad truth is that none of us ever choose. We inevitably become bitter with just a little sorrow.
• There will always be someone, and more often than that, many people, who have formed quite a biased opinion of you and will make it their aim to make you aware of their views. Laugh them off, for they are disdain for their incomplete lives.
• Every once in a while your best friend will collaborate with your enemy. If he doesn’t, you are blessed. If he does, it is the way of nature. One shouldn’t expect high ideals or morals from anyone but ourselves.
• Be kind to people. Every second person we meet has had a rough day and is fighting to pass this one with a smile.
• If life asks you to be stronger than you ever thought you could be, live up to the expectations. All you need for strength is courage to look into your heart and give your best each day, day by day.
• There is a certain thrill in facing and conquering your fears. Beating ones fear in its own battlefield gives you more adrenalin and happiness than any trophy or medal can ever do.
• If life gets you down, people you like turn their backs, work is ruining you, take a deep breath, enjoy the present and say thanks to your stars for everything that could have been worse and is not.
• If people act cruel or selfish, it is their problem, not yours.

Friction

(A discussion I had with someone long time ago)

The most interesting lesson in class 9 physics was that if there was no friction, we wouldn't be able to walk ahead. If there were no conflicts, no disputes, nobody to disagree, none of that uncontrolled 'noise', we wouldn't be getting anywhere. As much as we love and desire peace, the truth is that all we want is a peaceful disagreement.
And it's an amusing truth too, because it brings you at a peaceful agreement with the fact that those everyday fights, those irritating aspects we bring ourselves to live with, those little arguments and the occasional yells that creep in all our relationships, they're okay, because it's the friction that prevents us from stagnating, and collapsing. It's the little friction that produces the little cute hug, the "sorry mom", the kissi on the cheeks, the "love you" whisper. It's the friction, in just the optimum amount, that keeps love growing.

Will

In the unfortunate event that I die, under any circumstances, natural or mysterious, before I can actually make a formal will, I'd like to :

• Leave my peach top to Jaan-e-mann. She looks really good in that, especially, when she has her (erm) special business.
• Leave my EG marks to Nils. She misses out when it comes to marks in EG dunno why. Maybe because she's a bit slow, but then she really understands EG. Its evident from her discussions in the lecs. And she's very brainy and intelligent too, even in the other subjects. Its evident. If she pays attention in the lecs, she understands. Sorry Mommy.
• Leave my rubix cube to Prey. Solve it. Ha!
• Leave my bag to Aayu. She likes the feel of carrying it around.
• Someone will have to parcel the folder that I bought for my sister's birthday home. I already promised her that.
• Leave the orange top that I bought from Maheshwari with mum, to Bhatnagar. She loves it.
• My water heater to Paro, for heating milk at night.
• All my accessories, candles, knife, paints, brushes, stationery, LAN cable, buckets etc. etc. can be used as common wing property.
• The responsibility of this blog to Nils. ShatEEE has already stopped writing :(
• Also, Kutush and Kuhu, to Jaan-e-mann. He'll be needing someone and he'll gel in very well with Lachchoo and Pihu (Mommy's) in your room.

Thats it, I supppose.
All figured out, now I can die in peace. Ah!

Moving on

Among the many other things that happened yesterday, an amazing thing happened, one of those that kinda rekindles your belief in the fact that life evens itself out eventually and people forget the distressing things that happened. An old friend, a 'just classmate' who had turned into a bitter 'competitor', sorta, especially because of his skills in mathematical 'manipulations', about 1 and a half years ago, that friend came back, we talked, leaving behind all clashes of the past, and suddenly in an hour, after all the catching up, it felt good again. It felt friends. That's an incredible feeling. Thanks.

"I do the very best I know-the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what's said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference. "

-Abraham Lincon