I am fine...

It's spring in Pilani... beautiful breezy evenings... blossoms all around the insti lawns... lovely!

... Just that i have my life messed up! Basically my acads.
I agree that initially, i hadn't been studying enough, but now i am really working hard and yet after each paper-distribution episode i am terribly upset about my unbelievably poor marks. I try figuring out what went wrong and try to avoid making the same mistakes the next time... and lo! after the next paper there are a brand new set of mistakes glaring back at me! It seems like a never ending process....

Moreover, this weather is making me terribly homesick.

And to top the list, you have a bunch of people around you who go back home for every little holiday... come back, talk about missing home, and plan about their next trip. Great!

And you know what? At such times... when i am feeling really low and Ma calls... i don't want to tell her how miserable i am... and yet its hard to hide stuff from her. She starts asking,"ki holo? bol ki hoyechhe..." and i can sense tears swelling up in my eyes... i say a quick bye and hang up! Believe me, that's the worst thing one can do... and yet that is all i can manage to do each time.


I am fine... just that at times, it seems very difficult to be optimistic...
...life looks vague and i feel like a total stranger to myself.
I am fine... just that at times, i like shutting myself up in my room and crying till i fall asleep....

I am fine... its all a part of growing up.